This means anything that you normally wouldn't do in a public space, you REALLY shouldn't be doing on an airplane, and yes, these are real life examples... This includes, but is not limited to:
- Clipping toenails (They fly everywhere even if you insist they don't...)
- Waxing or plucking eyebrows/ mustache hairs (especially the waxing... And especially if you tend to lose track of the wax strips and have to rip them off the poor unfortunate soul next to you)
- Barefeet touching everything, including but not limited to airplane lavatory floors (seriously?!? GROSS!!!)
- Changing dirty diapers on tray tables (people eat there, come on...)
- Regularly crop dusting the people around you (Please for all of us unfortunate souls, avoid the beans before getting on an airplane)
- Joining the "mile high club" (Lavatories are gross, please remember that... And blankets are not publicly acceptable coverage while trying to get it on in your seat...)
- Becoming ridiculously intoxicated (it is not a bar, and to get that drunk is seriously expensive, your credit card will thank me later...)
-Puking, peeing, or pooping anywhere but in a toilet.
- This is including but not limited to:
1. Puking in your hands and running up to me expecting me to do something about it besides kicking the lavatory door open for you...
2. Pooping on the floor. (Self explanatory, but seriously people, it's not a funny prank, it's a biohazard)
3. The combination of any of the above in your seat (at least let a flight attendant know on the way out, but I'm not cleaning it up, sorry...)
-Wearing Japanese paper face masks with characters on the outside, particularly zombies (Paper masks are slightly creepy in general, but please at least warn me before you turn into a zombie while I'm walking through a dark cabin with a full tray of drinks... Unless you'd also like a shower....)
-Naked children. I understand you see this as innocent, but they wear clothes when you go outside right? So why not a plane....?
-Losing your pets. If you pay extra to bring your dog with you, that's one thing, but please keep it in its carrier at all times... People have allergies and irrational fears. And please don't ask me to help you find your cat that you somehow miraculously managed to sneak on the plane. (Seriously, how did you get it through security and customs just to lose it now!?!)
-Lose your children. (We've all seen Flight Plan, but seriously, why did you decide to play hide and speak with your child on a plane with 180 other passengers trying to sleep and then panic and start screaming their name when you can't find them? Don't worry, we found them about 12 rows back underneath some someone's legs...)
-Unleash toxic diarrhea in the lavatory before the plane even takes off. (I understand there are questionable noodles and soup in some countries, but really? You want to take the toxic hell you just released into the lavatory WITH you on a 15 hour flight!?! Please no.)
Yes, these were all real life examples of what happens daily on a plane. My only plea to you is to act like a regular human on a flight. Please realize you are in a public setting, and yes, people are judging you even if they say they aren't... And your friendly flight attendant sees all....
Please keep that in mind. WE SEE ALL.
Now go forth, fly friendly, and pray for natural selection.
Love, Alison
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